In 2022, a hot girl can be anything.
According to Twitter, hot girls now and forevermore have everything from messy rooms to debilitating anxiety and digestive health problems.
Because I’m incredibly online, I come into contact with “hot girls have IBS 🥰🥰” on one of my various feeds at least twice a day. It’s a sturdy, weird joke that says “look at this seemingly unattractive thing about me that I have subverted for truly no reason!” She’s reliable, like Andy Cohen tweeting “good morning” every day without fail, with only a slight variation of which emojis reflect the weather, an acknowledgment of a holiday, or a random morsel from his life, like the fact that he watched and LOVED Luca.
I think a lot of people have felt that their waking lives since March 2020 feel a bit Groundhog Dayish, and the Twitter hot girls keep that reality extremely alive for me. At this point, to mindlessly tweet anything with the prefix “hot girls have” garners tens of thousands of likes, retweets, and even billboards. You never see “hot girls have GERD” and that’s because we’re really busy spitting into the cup at our bedside, cursing ourselves for eating something as innocuous as a tomato, and finding the entire ordeal incredibly unhot. Because it is, even if the acid reflux burns with the intensity of a thousand suns.
Remember how in Gremlins (1984), there are several unbreakable rules when taking care of those little suckers? No sunlight, no water, no food after midnight… basically, all rules were broken a few times in the spawning of this trend, birthed originally from Megan Thee Stallion’s viral invocation of the hotties - from “Hot Girl” to “Hot Girl Summer” - though I’m not quite sure the derivative, self-deprecating way in which the internet as twisted the identity is what Meg had in mind…
The hot girls also read, and more often than not, it’s a trendy work of fiction that follows an intolerable, unhinged woman confronting the void and life’s banalities. Full disclosure: I am not a fan of Ottessa Moshfegh (loathed and did not finish Eileen or My Year of Rest and Relaxation), I’m lukewarm on Sally Rooney (fully disliked the television adaptation of Conversations with Friends… those people are NOT my friends), and have zero interest in the disturbing fish book (though I did just buy Moby Dick, who I suppose was a whale and I don’t think anyone has sex with it… but are we sure?).
I think it’s totally okay to like books of this nature, but I’ve come to accept they just aren’t for me. My main gripe is with their canonically wholly unsympathetic characters, and the egregious nastiness permitted as a result. I’m no Pollyanna. I’m not naive. But I’m also not someone who has completely given up the hope that people aren’t all bad always. Who knows though? Maybe that makes me an idiotic, unhot girl. Whatever.
All of this to say, I think it is super hot girl behavior to read, regardless of your gender or perceived hotness, and to read during the summertime (and yes, I know it’s technically still spring, but if I’m getting sunburned after a quick walk to Dunkin Donuts, then no, it’s actually summer). It’s chic. It’s delightful. It’s randomly mysterious. Plus, remember those local library summer reading programs? Summer reading is nostalgic and possibly a way to heal your inner child? I don’t know! If I close my eyes and think really hard, I’m pretty sure I can smell the Long Island library of my childhood, but maybe I’m finally completely insane. Twitter, tell me, does this make me a hot girl?
I’m feeling like a tyrant this week and challenging the Twitter hot girls doesn’t scare me much. What are they going to do? Regurgitate a political diatribe that they skimmed from a poorly researched Tiktok all while under their potato chip crumb-covered Urban Outfitters duvet, wearing nothing but rapidly deteriorating Parade underwear, at me?
Anyway, here are 10 books that you won’t find on those damned hot girl literature lists - ones I’ve thoroughly enjoyed that you might consider giving a spin while at the beach, in the passenger seat on a long car ride, or, yes, under a potato chip crumb-covered Urban Outfitters duvet.
Yes, this 400+ page tome may heavily feature oyster shucking in its first act, but it’s also full of sexy show business, music hall male impersonation, gay Victorian sex, and many trials of the heart. In the afterward, Sarah Waters laments a bit about what she considers the book’s failings, particularly the greenness of her own (over)writing, but says, “it makes me wistful. It is unafraid to be corny, unafraid to be purple.” I think that’s the quality of it I liked most - its unafraidness. I recommend this to anyone who has a soft spot for the act of pining because let me tell you, there is a LOT of that in this one.
I read this book in college for 3 separate courses, and each time found something entirely new. It’s short and quick - the kind of book you might be tempted to fly through without fully taking in all it has to offer. Viramontes is a moving, prolific, and lyrical writer. The book is full of gorgeous passages with an incredible amount of sensory detail. If you aren’t angry about labor rights, prepared to get radicalized. “Hot girls are radicalized by Viramontes” - anyone wanna retweet that?
Speaking of books I read in college, I read excerpts from Winesburg, Ohio and was so blown away by Anderson’s style, that I had to pick up the book itself. It’s nothing groundbreaking in terms of the plot (if times a bit dull), but nevertheless, I loved it? There’s a magical quality to it. If you read it at the right time in your life (maybe this summer? Who knows!) it will sweep you up completely. It’s a book that notices - notices the mundane, the lonely, and the human (shocker that I loved it? Nope). Think of it as late 19th-century @deuxmoi, but for regular people.
I’m a Melissa Febos fangirl. There’s no other way to say it. I recommend her writing to everyone I know, send articles and tweets to friends, and hope to one day write with a matched sense of urgency, fire, and skill. She’s just… so cool? Abandon Me is clever, expertly crafted, and moving. It achieves an unspoken goal of nonfiction - knowingness. Despite the inherent distance between a writer and their own “I,” as well as the audience and who they find on the page, Febos feels so close. The girlies who aren’t already obsessed are soon-to-be, I promise. If you’re a fan of MUNA’s last record Saves The World, and the song “Stayaway” in particular, you’ll like this.
I always thought poems had to be severe and heartbreaking or whimsical and folklorish, but Jennifer L. Knox showed me that they can in fact be hilarious in an I-like-John-Oliver-and-laugh-at-all-the-smart-jokes way. I’d recommend any of her collections to you, but have a particular fondness for Days of Shame & Failure. There is a surprise at every turn, and though I’m selling you on its funny, it also broke my heart a few times. JLK is a poet for the end of the world - if you like the lyricism of artists like Phoebe Bridgers or even more specifically her project with Conor Oberst, Better Oblivion Community Center, pick this one up ASAP.
Ross Gay is one of my favorite writers of all time, and this book fell into my lap when I needed it most. I often think of passages from Gay’s accounts of delight, particularly those about bringing a tomato plant on an airplane, Stevie Wonder’s Journey Through The Secret Life of Plants, and writing by hand. If you’re in need of the reminder that things like hope, joy, and dare I say delight, are not foolish, wasteful pursuits in our relentlessly dystopian existence… run, don’t walk! Or I guess tap a few buttons and order it from your supercomputer cellphone to arrive in a box at your doorstep in 5-7 business days.
Madden came into the project of this memoir with a level of honesty that stings, like nails scratching across a sunburn. Her prose is gorgeous (or should I say “hot” for the sake of this newsletter…) and captures so much of her life’s twists and turns with earnest fervor. From the jump, you are catapulted into her writing to Tiger Beat magazine as a 9-year-old child, begging for a pen pal. Here’s an excerpt I love:
To the magazine I wrote, Hi Hello my name is T Kira but please DEAR GOD forget the T. I’m obsessed with riding horses and I like to palm the tassels that hang from my grandma’s drapes and yes I would like a real camera for Hanukkah and yes I would like an instrument, any instrument, for Christmas and yes I do like the smell of a gas pump but really what I would really, really love is a pen pal, yes, and Thank you. I promised to write back. I promised to keep secrets. I wrote many lists like this but only chose the best parts to send. Small, sweet facts. I spritzed the envelope with Cucumber Melon body spray, sprinkling glitter all over the wet bull's-eye of sweet.
It only gets darker from there - so buckle up, and get into it.
I feel silly repeating “this author is one of my favorites!” but Limón is. I wrote about her a bit last week, briefly covering her new collection, The Hurting Kind, but if you’re looking for a starting place with poetry in general, I can’t recommend The Carrying enough. There’s nothing else I can say (eh, eh), except Read More Ada Limón. Can you tell I’m losing steam? I always forget how tiring compiling a good list is. For you, I toil.
Okay, hear me out: we’re in an Austrian hospital. Two guys are in different wings of said hospital. Musings ensue. Now, THIS could be titled Conversations with Friends and I’d be like, “actually? Yeah!” It’s weird, funny, philosophical, haunting, and unlike anything I’ve ever read before. Hot girls read Austrian literature? Hot girls know that when the truth is told you can get what you want or you can just get old? When will the hot girls realize… Vienna waits for you.
Rounding out this list with perhaps one of the most recently buzzy titles, with the promise that it’s quite good. Who cares if this book has won countless literary awards, I’m telling you to read it! Who cares about the Booker Prize when I have a Substack newsletter? (I do. I care about the Booker Prize. Hello, Booker Prize people.) The characters in Girl, Woman, Other are so fully realized, despite the fact that readers only get to spend so much time with each one and their worlds. It also has a highly readable, stream-of-consciousness tone and structure that I really liked. Is it a short story collection or a novel? You tell me! (Seriously. Someone tell me. Booker Prize people?)
I plan on reading a ton this summer myself (tweets, coffeeshop menus, and maybe even books), which means I’ll probably get through 2 novels. Stunning! Aspirational!
I’m currently reading The Hobbit and must admit that I’m having a lot of fun. I like Bilbo because despite being strongarmed into the adventure of a lifetime, he openly admits that he’d prefer to be at home, eating bread and butter. I feel the exact same way every time I have to leave my room. As previously mentioned, I have indeed picked up Moby Dick, so perhaps I’ll get to that, or just stare at it on my bookshelf for the next 3-25 years. Other cool books I have on my TBR (and nightstand) at the moment include: Stay and Fight by Madeline ffitch, An Encyclopedia of Bending Time by Kristin Keane, and We Ride Upon Sticks by Quan Barry. If any of them sound of interest to you and you’d like to pseudo-bookclub them with me, give me a shout. Even if (especially if) it’s Moby Dick. I will not turn away support on that journey.
Tell me what you’re reading! All the cool kids do. If you’ve read or plan on reading any of the books I’ve mentioned here, let a girl know in the comments.
Stay hot, I guess… whatever that means to you and yours!
Big love,
kaylasomething
I've been trying to read more this year (with varying degrees of success). I have an unofficial goal (not sure how serious I am about it honestly) to find a horror novel that will make me vomit. I am currently in the middle of the book The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones which is pretty good so far! I have unfortunately not made any progress for a few weeks so I will need to pick it up again. I have a couple of other books I'm really excited about - I picked up a medieval horror anthology from an independent publisher that I'm really looking forward to reading, a YA/possibly new adult book called A Magic Steeped in Poison, which has a magic system based around tea, Battle Royale, which is a book I read in middle school, and American Psycho (I was influenced by all the memes about the movie on social media lol). I also signed up for Dracula Daily, which is a newsletter that sends out the letters included in the book on the dates they were written, since Dracula is an epistolary novel. I have a physical copy of Dracula but I am kind of intimidated by it and the newsletter is very easy to read and extremely fun. Hopefully I'll make progress with my reading! If you ever want any horror, sci-fi, or fantasy recs, you can always ask me.