American Idol has been on television for 20 years. 20 whole years. In that time it has produced superstars (Kelly Clarkson), rejected people who then became superstars (Maren Morris), given Ryan Seacrest the world on a platter, and showcased America’s often tasteless palate by way of a majority of the show’s winners - many of whom are promptly dropped by labels and promised a quick fade into obscurity (to everyone, but me. We are still rooting for you, Taylor Hicks. “We” is me and my mother, Jenn, who I would still like to set you up on a date with).
As a warm-up, to get your nostalgic neurons firing, let’s spend a moment with the then of the show. Here’s a shortlist of songs I’m grateful exist in large part because of American Idol:
“8th World Wonder” by Kimberley Locke. If the grocery store radio is blasting “8th World Wonder” by Idol second runner-up Kimberley Locke, but no one is around to hear it, does it even make a sound? Food for thought. I love this song (particularly how she sings “of thunder” in the chorus) and think Anna Wintour should turn it into a Met Gala theme.
“Sorry 2004” by Ruben Studdard. I went through and counted, and Ruben sings the word “sorry” many more times than Justin Bieber and Demi Lovato do in “Sorry” and “Sorry Not Sorry,” respectively, rendering Ruben the unrivaled Sorry King (I haven’t fact-checked this beyond those two sorry-oriented songs. If someone would like to financially sponsor this research, I will put in the work and arrive at something more conclusive).
“Invisible” by Clay Aiken. Last year, I thrifted (by thrifted I mean I bought it off some confused teen on Depop) a Clay Aiken jean jacket. The outline of his face as pictured on the Measure of a Man album is embroidered on the back. One day, I will be open a very niche, gay artifact museum, and that jacket will be its crown jewel. The thing about this song is you cannot take it too seriously. You have to look at it as one big metaphor, especially seeing as it was released years before Clay officially came out. Reframing the song as that of a closeted man actually makes the lyric, “if I was invisible, I would just watch you in your room” a little funny.
To pivot away from the exports of Season 2, I give you “Best Days of Your Life” by Kellie Pickler, which honestly would be a great addition to last week’s playlist. I have such violently visceral memories of scrolling through sparkling, neon Blingee images with the voting slogan, “Pick Pickler” to display on my incredibly secret, age-inappropriate MySpace account. I loved this girl. I bet a lot of you already know this song, but not much else from her self-titled record, so I will also recommend “Rocks Instead of Rice” which is an absolutely deranged revenge song.
“For Your Entertainment” by Adam Lambert. In an essay I wrote for Groupie, I described the man as my “gay Virgil - a guide by example in glittery, glam-rock boots.” He has been a steadfast, parasocial light in my life - following me from Idol, to Glee, to the Kennedy Center Honors. Ah! Turn around! There’s Adam Lambert lurking behind another one of my hyperfixations! His first record with RCA is (club) wall to (club) wall hits. This one is guaranteed to make you feel like the most expensive person in the room.
I’ll leave it here for now, but as a self-appointed American Idol scholar, please know that I not only can but will go on at some point.
Are you ready? Are you recalling the intro music, repressed deep in the recesses of your mind? For those who can’t, here you go.
The show, at its best, had between 25-30 million viewers tuning into its most major episodes - the peak came during 2006, Taylor Hicks’ winning season (reiterating: taste). I fiercely worshipped at the feet of it through seasons 4-8 (the season 4 and season 5 live tours were my 1st and 2nd concerts, thank you very much) and then promptly boycotted the program after Adam Lambert’s unforgivable loss to Kris Allen. Do you guys even remember that ELLEN was a judge on season 9? Ellen, like Ellen Degeneres. No? I’m telling you no one watched season 9. She broke her two-year contract with the show and told Howard Stern that hosting was one of the biggest mistakes of her career. Like Ellen, I left Idol behind, but returned to it a few years ago once its producers made a desperate leap/splash onto a new network with a new group of judges.
From overall elevated aesthetics to doing away with gag auditions (like that of Mr. Pants on the Ground), ABC’s version of the program came to play with an edge of seriousness about culling through America’s talented youth for its next big star (despite ratings barely improving, but that’s another story). Hitmakers Lionel Richie, Katy Perry, and Luke Bryan have a solid chemistry that comes far closer to the original judges’ rapport than Ellen and the whole slew of others cobbled together between 2010 and 2018. Other elements have also been altered or altogether ditched: most audition cities have since been nixed, the elimination songs (“Bad Day” by Daniel Powter still slaps though) cut, and the iconic, red Coca-Cola cups, retired. But fear not! There’s still a ton of product placement with heavy-handed plugs for parent company, Disney - a fixture of the series. Whether it’s shipping the contestants off to the parks or resorts for an extended ad (featuring some singing) or the literal, harrowing Disney-themed week (which makes my eye twitch, stomach ache, and pits cold sweat) - the show sometimes veers into dystopian parody.
I, brave cable television soldier that I am, am somehow able to jump the hurdles of Gimmick and enjoy the continued magic of stars being born. There is a metamorphosis that happens specifically on Idol, no matter what smoke and mirrors the stage is set with. It swirled around Kelly Clarkson in 2002, and twenty years later, it holds on for dear life.
This past Monday, Season 20’s top 20 - whittled down by the judges and now in America’s dumb dirty-fingernailed hands - was trimmed to 14.
Here are my takes on who we have left to root for this spring:
DAN MARSHALL AND NOAH THOMPSON
I am grouping them together because I feel that they robbed spots from more deserving contestants. Neither has impressed me much vocally and while Noah chooses some interesting songs (given the fact that he’s in a country-vocals lane but has chosen the likes of Rihanna), I will be genuinely disappointed in the 10 other people who watch this show if they keep voting them both through. Look them up if you’re so moved to, but they’re skips for me.
ALLEGRA MILES
Former The Voice contestant, Allegra Miles, has gotten the short end of the stick so far this season. The producers have cut or drastically shortened most of her on-camera moments - her audition sliced into a strange montage and we only caught glimpses of her during Hollywood week. This has ultimately come to bite her. While her performance of Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin” on Sunday was quite a highlight of the evening, she was not originally voted into America’s Top 10, but was saved by the judges to fill one of the 4 slots of the Top 14 (which I find to be a twisted mind game, but whatever! Slay!).
EMYRSON
This 16-year-old has a BIG voice. She’s a student of the school of Billie Eilish vocals who got her start singing on TikTok, which in general is another interesting component of Idol in 2022. The advent of YouTube a few years after the show started airing changed the way all people, particularly young people, could be talent scouted. We must never forget that before there was international pop sensation Justin Bieber, there was Kidrauhl (here he is covering season 5 alum Elliott Yamin’s banger of a song “Wait For You”, which I’m including as a last-minute addition to the earlier shortlist). Anyway, Emyrson may not win this season, but she’s got quite a voice and an interestingly spelled name. Here she is singing “Angels Like You” by Miley Cyrus during a week where the kids half-sang-half-promoted Disney’s Aulani resort:
JAY
One of the latest additions to this season of Idol was the advent of the platinum ticket - an elevated golden ticket that fast-tracked 3 singers (one per audition city - I’m telling you, they go almost nowhere these days) through the first round of Hollywood week. It also gave them the ability to select their duet partners for round 2 after kicking back and observing for the full first round. Jay was granted said platinum ticket for his audition and general face-melting vocal ability. Similar to Allegra, he was not voted into the Top 10 and was saved. He’s so talented and left behind an acting MFA to pursue this dream, so if anything, I hope he lands on a Broadway stage at some point. Here he is doing Amy Winehouse, in the style of a RENT-rock musical:
LEAH MARLENE
Leah Marlene! The self-proclaimed “lil’ weirdo from Normal, Illinois!” I like her a bunch. She’s quirky, (dare I say) queer-coded, and full of energy. Not only do I find the element of a TikTok following fascinating for several contestants, but quite a few of these kids have also already released their own music. Leah herself has an entire LP called Many Colors available to stream right now. She definitely has quite the unique vibe for a crusty show like AI, but the judges are far too impressed by her ability to quirk up a pop song. Like, just walk the halls of a liberal arts college dorm. Everyone is indie-fying top 40 hits, I swear. That said, she’s a skilled singer and guitar player with things to say in her original tunes and I’m curious to see how far she’ll go!
MIKE PARKER
Mike Parker is a surprise favorite of mine. Despite his extremely stretched-out t-shirt necklines, I find his soulful take on country vocals fresh, compelling, and FAR better than those of Dan Marshall and Noah Thompson and I’m not sorry (2022) for saying so. While at the resort, Mike was mentored by Idol alum Jimmie Allen on a week where he was performing one of Jimmie’s songs. It’s incredibly moving to me. I… cried? I’m easily won over by obvious moments of emotional glory. Like Allegra and Jay before him, he was devastatingly not voted in by America but saved by the judges after a fight-for-your-life style performance of “Bed on Fire” by Teddy Swims. It’s his best yet. If “America” doesn’t pull its head out of its ass on this star, I will be irate.
AVA MAYBEE
Ava Maybee (real name) is way too cool. If I saw her on the street, I would be terrified that she’d make fun of my clothes and face. She wears berets and mixes clashing prints, but in a punk rock way? She’s the daughter of Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer, Chad Smith, but more than that, she’s an alto in such a powerful way. I will always stand tall for altos - they deserve the world, though they’ll never ask for it. Pour one out for altos. This week Ava truly emerged in a moment of pure confidence singing Demi Lovato’s “Anyone.” I think she’s sticking around ‘til the end.
NICOLINA
When I said Emyrson had a big voice, it was only because we hadn’t yet gotten to vocal titan, Canada’s own decidedly-mononymous Nicolina. She has a knack for locking into the emotional truth of a song and pouring her entire soul into her performances - while delivering those aforementioned near-perfect vocals. Also, I fully do appreciate a girl who can shamelessly bring the hit musical Waitress to the world’s stage. Here she is knocking gutwrenching, theatrical “She Used To Be Mine” out of the park and all the way back to Canada:
LADY K
A star. I know I keep throwing that kind of language around, but she is. The moment she starts a song, I’m hooked and taken on the kind of journey that ends with an equal amount of blisters and clarity. In her audition, she sang a Katy Perry song in front of Katy Perry (bold!) and frankly breathed new life into it. At the audition, Katy commented that it’s like her heart shines from her vocal cords and that’s REAL. Since her audition, she’s chosen a few grittier songs including Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats,” but I think her shine really comes through during ballads. She’s one to watch.
TRISTEN GRESSETT
Tristen is actually a piece of fringe from one of Adam Lambert’s old costumes that was turned into a real boy by some fairy godmother. The 17-year-old is unbelievable in his youth - his facial hair and stage presence alone simultaneously feel exactly 17 and yet several years older. He came into his original audition full speed ahead, overperforming in a way that made some judges wince. He has learned in a timely fashion how to best harness his pizazz and sticking to a rock-leaning lane seems to be the best fit for him in this competition (He also has a super fun and supportive mother named Missy who I would love to befriend). He was the final contestant of the latest elimination episode to be told he wasn’t in America’s Top 10 - but persuaded the judges to save him with a bit of subliminal messaging and star power with his rendition of Lenny Kravitz’s “Are You Gonna Go My Way.”
FRITZ HAGER
I love this guy because he’s so unsuspecting? I don’t think he fully realizes how good he actually is. A now ex-security officer, Fritz is carving himself quite a metamorphic journey on Idol. He has a James Bay meets X Ambassadors edge to his voice that I think is easy to fall in love with. H&M radio isn’t READY (said with love). From an unsteady audition (where judge Luke Bryan actually gave a No) to being voted directly into America’s top 10 this week - Fritz is finding his footing and growing out his hair. His victory lap song this week was Harry Styles’ “Golden” and reader, to me, that’s the perfect way to describe it.
HUNTERGIRL
I know I just said I love Fritz Hager, but I also LOVE Huntergirl. With a seasoned voice already rip-roarin’ and rarin’ to be played on country radio, Hunter is the second remaining platinum ticket holder of the season with a lot to prove. An amazing moment happened during her audition - after a gorgeous, inventive cover of Rascal Flatts’ “Riot,” Luke Bryan encourages her to slide her capo up a half step. Her voice immediately soars in the improved key - a look of recognition of her viability as a contender washes across all 4 present faces, Hunter’s included. It’s one of those star-is-born moments I was talking about. I’ve really enjoyed her and truly believe she has a career ahead of her!
CHRISTIAN GUARDINO
Every time Christian sings, I get insane ghost-walked-through-me chills. I react out loud to his pristine runs as if I were at a poetry slam and not hunched over my laptop in the privacy of my bedroom. Maybe you recognize him from America’s Got Talent, where he was awarded a golden buzzer, but you probably don’t. Not my talent competition of choice either. Regardless, this guy is an incredible capital-T Talent. I am rooting for him to go all the way, but I’m prepared to tweet my continued loss of faith in my countrymen should he be sent home prematurely. Beyond the fact that he has incredible pipes, he’s also an Italian from Long Island. I have to pay my respects to my people by sending in my silly little votes every week via text and app (yes, I fully have the app). A civic duty.
Are you watching this season of American Idol? Are you suddenly compelled to? …no? That’s fine. I will proudly continue to tune in every Sunday and Monday night for the foreseeable future, watching raw talent be sharpened and sculpted by the pickaxe of time, pressure, and spotlight, until this country crowns a winner I probably won’t agree with.
In the words of Ruben Studdard, damn, I’m sorry.
Big 1-866-IDOLS-01 love,
kaylasomething